So sorry to hear all this Patty. I admire your patience and strength in holding it all together ❤️ And from all that, you deserve rest and so does your father. Very brave people indeed 💪🏽
I’ve witnessed your courage as you’ve stayed close to your dad, the hospital days and getting him home. I am always in awe at the resilience of our bodies and our hearts. Beautiful storytelling also ❤️
As a retired healthcare professional in England, I find this lack of care and empathy from clinical staff really frightening. I’m not saying our NHS is perfect, but in 35 years of clinical practice I did not witness this behaviour. I trained and worked at a well known Teaching Hospital in South East London in an area of great poverty and gangland violence in the seventies, so it is not that I am unused to challenging situations. Since then I mainly worked in deprived areas where crime was rife. I’m sure your father’s survival is mainly due to your vigilance and care.
Thanks, Maureen. I’m so grateful for professionals like you. My healthcare friends say that things have been difficult since Covid—with staffing stretched thin, people overworked, desperate hires, and training gaps that make a hard job even harder. Caring for vulnerable patients who need attention is never easy. I hope that my dad's story helps others know how important it is nowadays to be present and to advocate for their elderly loved ones in some US hospitals.
(I should also mention that through the years, my family members have been treated at Johns Hopkins, NY Presbyterian, Sloan Kettering, and Greenwich Hospital - and they were all treated SO well, with competence and dignity even when things were chaotic.)
Here's what AI says:
The U.S. faces a growing registered nurse (RN) shortage, with the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) projecting over 193,000 RN openings annually through 2032, fueled by aging populations and pandemic-related burnout and departures. This persistent shortage affects hospitals and other healthcare facilities, impacting patient care and increasing workload for existing nurses.
Thank you, again, for your work. Really and truly. I hope things get better here since obviously they don't have to be this way. I agree that my dad would never be home and probably not be alive if not for us.
I’m so pleased to hear that experiences elsewhere were so much better, Patty. It’s a privilege to look after the sick, as our Matron always reminded us when we were students.
Yes, I don’t think my father experience any malevolent acts at the hospital.
At the semi-acute (nursing home) facility, I observed a lot of neglect. And when a patient fell, they didn’t report it or treat her. I think that’s malevolence.
It’s remarkable what I saw - most families aren’t present, so they just don’t know what goes on. Most patients didn’t have one visitor the entire time we were there.
Wow! What a difficult time for you, your brother, and your dad. I’m sorry you had such a terrible experience with the hospital. No wonder you are exhausted.
Patty I hope that in you writing this, it has helped you. I don’t know if you’ve heard of Stephen Fry. He’s an absolute legend over here. And he said “writing helps…” (in this case he was talking about writing as amongst several other talents he’s a hugely talented author). I think I piggybacked his post on this at the start of the year. I think writing stuff down can help see things more clearly, with more clarity if you like. And with greater clarity you can make more informed judgements / decisions. About perhaps how you feel or how to take things from here.
Oh Patty, my heart breaks for your dad, you and your other loved ones, and all the patients who have to endure such harshness, cruelty, and incompetence. Not one person should have to endure this awful treatment.
Your essay is an important one that everyone should read because you're right: compassionate hospital care is a myth. I'm going to share it.
After my double mastectomy with reconstruction, I spent two harrowing days in ICU and three days in the hospital outside of the ICU. You've inspired me to write about what happened there. It was brutal, heartless, with such a lack of caring throughout.
“It was brutal, heartless, with such a lack of caring throughout.” Beth, I really hope you write your story. People need to know, and I can only imagine how harrowing it must have been to be in an ICU.
Do you think that we don’t talk about these expxeriences because we are just so exhausted and relieved to have survived? We don’t want to look back?
Yes, I think at times we don't discuss what we have gone through for these reasons, but also dredging up the memories is so painful. Your story is a brave piece about a heartbreaking situation.
In fact, your story has inspired me to write mine this week, which will be live on Friday. I will add a link in my story to yours.
God bless you Patty, when Bray Bray was on the hospital for 28 days I felt some of the stigma that you referenced - not wanting to “complain” too much but never remaining silent. So we dug in, participated in all of the doctors’ rounds, spoke softly but with definitive questions, and did what we had to do.
Thank you! 28 days, poor Bray Bray. That’s a long time in a hospital, I’ve learned.
We did the same, pretty much, though it was hard at the trauma center. But at my dad’s second hospital, everyone was wonderful. What’s fascinating to me is the differences in our hospitals, the way different patients are treated, and how each case (and each hour in a hospital) is so different!
I wish there was a way to make a checklist to prepare people for it, just in case, but every case, every patient, every hospital, even every DAY at a hospital is different.
Firstly..., I’m glad ur father is okay. Although we can never truly repay our parents, no matter wat we do, ur father is fortunate to have u taking care of him.
I am from India, and I can relate to wat u are going through....
We also live in a chaotic hospital environment....
Somehow, it feels universal here tat if you pay a little extra, thr will always be someone who knows how to navigate through the chaos n get proper treatment.
Of course, this is just an illusion created by the system....it first creates chaos, which leads to hopelessness, and then, when a small ray of hope appears with some green, you feel relieved and even happy. That seems to be the condition everywr.
Here, understaffed hospitals are simply a way of life. We haven’t seen better days, so we learn to accept n make do wid wat we have.
Harianth, Thank you for reading. How interesting to see that the system creates these illusions, and that we are so ridiculously happy that someone is doing their job!
Happy for you and dad's miracle. Your story reminded me of my own harrowing experience 3 years ago. We are blessed by God's grace and live to fight another day.
Sounds horrific. I am still in dock in Australia in a small private insurance funded hospital. I haven't had the best time with a Cabbage gone a bit wrong. Couldn't be more different for me. Best of care and friendship from everybody and I should be out in a couple of days barring further bad luck. My favourite nurse Amy here to do my Obs.....
I had a different experience in a big public hospital in Perth Western Australia. Care was excellent but there is nothing to prepare one for entering through emergency late of a Friday night doing triage with all sorts after 3000km in the Royal Flying Doctors little aeroplane. I dimly recall a dozen or so security subduing I think an addict who kept yelling and pulling his cannula out. Scary when you are very sick.
It is a long story but check it out. The hospital bit to the end.
That sounds like quite an experience. I’m going to read it!
One of the most interesting things about writing this piece has been the reactions - to this and also my note about it. People have had all sorts of experiences in hospitals.
So sorry to hear all this Patty. I admire your patience and strength in holding it all together ❤️ And from all that, you deserve rest and so does your father. Very brave people indeed 💪🏽
Thank you so much, Astrid.
I’ve witnessed your courage as you’ve stayed close to your dad, the hospital days and getting him home. I am always in awe at the resilience of our bodies and our hearts. Beautiful storytelling also ❤️
Thank you so much, Susan. ❤️
As a retired healthcare professional in England, I find this lack of care and empathy from clinical staff really frightening. I’m not saying our NHS is perfect, but in 35 years of clinical practice I did not witness this behaviour. I trained and worked at a well known Teaching Hospital in South East London in an area of great poverty and gangland violence in the seventies, so it is not that I am unused to challenging situations. Since then I mainly worked in deprived areas where crime was rife. I’m sure your father’s survival is mainly due to your vigilance and care.
Thanks, Maureen. I’m so grateful for professionals like you. My healthcare friends say that things have been difficult since Covid—with staffing stretched thin, people overworked, desperate hires, and training gaps that make a hard job even harder. Caring for vulnerable patients who need attention is never easy. I hope that my dad's story helps others know how important it is nowadays to be present and to advocate for their elderly loved ones in some US hospitals.
(I should also mention that through the years, my family members have been treated at Johns Hopkins, NY Presbyterian, Sloan Kettering, and Greenwich Hospital - and they were all treated SO well, with competence and dignity even when things were chaotic.)
Here's what AI says:
The U.S. faces a growing registered nurse (RN) shortage, with the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) projecting over 193,000 RN openings annually through 2032, fueled by aging populations and pandemic-related burnout and departures. This persistent shortage affects hospitals and other healthcare facilities, impacting patient care and increasing workload for existing nurses.
Thank you, again, for your work. Really and truly. I hope things get better here since obviously they don't have to be this way. I agree that my dad would never be home and probably not be alive if not for us.
I’m so pleased to hear that experiences elsewhere were so much better, Patty. It’s a privilege to look after the sick, as our Matron always reminded us when we were students.
Thank you, Maureen. I think it varies greatly between facilities. No one should stay one extra day at a large trauma center.
When my husband had surgery, we didn’t go through this. He witnessed incompetence, but no malevolence.
Yes, I don’t think my father experience any malevolent acts at the hospital.
At the semi-acute (nursing home) facility, I observed a lot of neglect. And when a patient fell, they didn’t report it or treat her. I think that’s malevolence.
It’s remarkable what I saw - most families aren’t present, so they just don’t know what goes on. Most patients didn’t have one visitor the entire time we were there.
Sad.
So sorry to hear that your husband witnessed incompetence, Nikki
I did too, but I had some great nurses, as did he. I don’t think most hospitals can afford to hire the best staff.
That strikes me as rather unhygienic to be touching one's phone in an operating room. 😖
So glad you and your dad are still alive. What an ordeal!
You know, it didn’t even occur to me at the time!
oh wow, me either, phones can be so germy.
Wow! What a difficult time for you, your brother, and your dad. I’m sorry you had such a terrible experience with the hospital. No wonder you are exhausted.
Thank you. I really hope that things continue to improve. Thank you for reading!
Patty I hope that in you writing this, it has helped you. I don’t know if you’ve heard of Stephen Fry. He’s an absolute legend over here. And he said “writing helps…” (in this case he was talking about writing as amongst several other talents he’s a hugely talented author). I think I piggybacked his post on this at the start of the year. I think writing stuff down can help see things more clearly, with more clarity if you like. And with greater clarity you can make more informed judgements / decisions. About perhaps how you feel or how to take things from here.
Thank you, Mark. I will check out Stephen Fry.
This broke my heart, Patty! I cannot imagine the hell you have been through. Sending peace and love. <3
Thank you so much, Rea. I haven’t even pulled together my thoughts about the sub-acute place yet. Too awful.
Oh Patty, my heart breaks for your dad, you and your other loved ones, and all the patients who have to endure such harshness, cruelty, and incompetence. Not one person should have to endure this awful treatment.
Your essay is an important one that everyone should read because you're right: compassionate hospital care is a myth. I'm going to share it.
After my double mastectomy with reconstruction, I spent two harrowing days in ICU and three days in the hospital outside of the ICU. You've inspired me to write about what happened there. It was brutal, heartless, with such a lack of caring throughout.
Sending you hugs.
“It was brutal, heartless, with such a lack of caring throughout.” Beth, I really hope you write your story. People need to know, and I can only imagine how harrowing it must have been to be in an ICU.
Do you think that we don’t talk about these expxeriences because we are just so exhausted and relieved to have survived? We don’t want to look back?
Hi Patty,
Yes, I think at times we don't discuss what we have gone through for these reasons, but also dredging up the memories is so painful. Your story is a brave piece about a heartbreaking situation.
In fact, your story has inspired me to write mine this week, which will be live on Friday. I will add a link in my story to yours.
Beth, I am looking forward to reading it. But please don't write it unless you really want to - and that's a tight deadline! XX
Thank you! I really feel compelled to write it this week. It's a topic that lights a fire under me.
I look forward to reading it!
A touching piece. Glad your dad is ok!
Thank you, RJ!
Welcome!
I’m sorry to hear this. It must have been incredibly stressful and frustrating. 48 hours without seeing a doctor? I’m so sorry.
Thanks, Jeff. Now that I’ve written it all down, I’m finally able to let it go. He’s home, that’s all that matters now.
God bless you Patty, when Bray Bray was on the hospital for 28 days I felt some of the stigma that you referenced - not wanting to “complain” too much but never remaining silent. So we dug in, participated in all of the doctors’ rounds, spoke softly but with definitive questions, and did what we had to do.
Thank you! 28 days, poor Bray Bray. That’s a long time in a hospital, I’ve learned.
We did the same, pretty much, though it was hard at the trauma center. But at my dad’s second hospital, everyone was wonderful. What’s fascinating to me is the differences in our hospitals, the way different patients are treated, and how each case (and each hour in a hospital) is so different!
And thank you for reading this!
Of course!
Wow, what a story, Patty! So glad you made it home with your sweet dad.💖
Thank you very much, Karen.
This is harrowing. Sigh.
I wish there was a way to make a checklist to prepare people for it, just in case, but every case, every patient, every hospital, even every DAY at a hospital is different.
It’s stunning, isn’t it?
Firstly..., I’m glad ur father is okay. Although we can never truly repay our parents, no matter wat we do, ur father is fortunate to have u taking care of him.
I am from India, and I can relate to wat u are going through....
We also live in a chaotic hospital environment....
Somehow, it feels universal here tat if you pay a little extra, thr will always be someone who knows how to navigate through the chaos n get proper treatment.
Of course, this is just an illusion created by the system....it first creates chaos, which leads to hopelessness, and then, when a small ray of hope appears with some green, you feel relieved and even happy. That seems to be the condition everywr.
Here, understaffed hospitals are simply a way of life. We haven’t seen better days, so we learn to accept n make do wid wat we have.
Harianth, Thank you for reading. How interesting to see that the system creates these illusions, and that we are so ridiculously happy that someone is doing their job!
Happy for you and dad's miracle. Your story reminded me of my own harrowing experience 3 years ago. We are blessed by God's grace and live to fight another day.
Barbara, thank you for reading, and thank you for your note. I will go and read your story and substack right now.
I'd love for you to do just that. It's a doozy. Only one problem, I haven't written it all down yet. Garnering my strength to relive it all.
It's great to hear your valuable experience. This is an imaginative piece written by a father. I love it.
Sounds horrific. I am still in dock in Australia in a small private insurance funded hospital. I haven't had the best time with a Cabbage gone a bit wrong. Couldn't be more different for me. Best of care and friendship from everybody and I should be out in a couple of days barring further bad luck. My favourite nurse Amy here to do my Obs.....
I had a different experience in a big public hospital in Perth Western Australia. Care was excellent but there is nothing to prepare one for entering through emergency late of a Friday night doing triage with all sorts after 3000km in the Royal Flying Doctors little aeroplane. I dimly recall a dozen or so security subduing I think an addict who kept yelling and pulling his cannula out. Scary when you are very sick.
It is a long story but check it out. The hospital bit to the end.
https://theoneabout.substack.com/p/fixation-with-a-river-7-2018
That sounds like quite an experience. I’m going to read it!
One of the most interesting things about writing this piece has been the reactions - to this and also my note about it. People have had all sorts of experiences in hospitals.